Tag: butchlesbians

A discussion around the feelings that come up when a butch or lesbian person comes out as trans : butchlesbians

Late bloomer butches : butchlesbians

Disclaimer: Transphobia or attacking trans folks as a group is not welcome here. I am posting this to just share my own thoughts and story, and hope to have a discussion that encourages complexity, thoughtfulness and nuance around the topic.

There was a post going around this morning that was soon deleted, But I think it’s a really important discussion. So I’m just going to share about the sentiment that I’ve seen a lot of people talking about since Elliot Page came out, and I think how many butch lesbians feel when they see people who once identified as butch coming out as trans. This is not a new thing in our community, by any means. The sentiment “Where have all the butches gone?” is a question that’s heard in our various communities in one way or another.

I know that Being a butch lesbian can be super lonely sometimes, specifically when you see people who once shared your identity going on to transition in one way or another to NB, transmasc or transmen. I understand these sentiments in many ways, especially as someone who never had that language growing up. I grew up in the 90s “girl power” era, and with tomboy identity being a really positive thing. Girl power and tomboy were all I had. I am SO grateful I grew up with a parent and in a community that didn’t police my gender expression growing up. Tomboy will always be part of my identity in that way. And also, in my adulthood, as I started coming into my queerness and masculinity, that language just really didn’t feel like enough to describe the complexity of my experience anymore.

In our butch community, there is LOTS of variation on how we experience our gender, both socially, and in our actual physical bodies. And seeing other people who showed me that gender can’t really be neatly tied up was really affirming, and helped me expand my definition of myself, not narrow it. Not all butch people on this sub identify as women. I don’t need them to. I am united with everyone in this sub under a shared butch identity. I am united with the people who are navigating masculinity in a patriarchal world that doesn’t believe we should be masculine, who are loving women in a heteronormative world that insists that type of attraction is “wrong.” And while our representation as butches is not widespread, it IS there if you look for it.

I see both sides of the coin. Is the definition of woman getting narrower? Or is the our ever evolving language expanding to hold people in all their complexity?

Like any demographic in the LGBTQ community, I believe that some trans circles are toxic echo chambers – I’ve seen it on reddit, absolutely, and I was unfortunately a part of a group at one time and left as a result when I was questioning my own gender path, and I believe this is an important discussion that is not always talked about. Someone identifying as female (or male) might come to some trans subs, questioning their gender or their presentation, and quite soon after hear the sentiment saying “You’re totally trans/ that sounds trans to me.” This concerns me, and in my own personal experience, left me feeling more isolated and lonely, thinking “Why does xyz have to be automatically labeled as trans?” In this situation, yes, the definition of woman or female does feel VERY narrow, and I’ll fight against that always. A girl or boy or any person should be able to simply question and explore without anyone labeling them or telling them what they are, or that they are trans just because they are GNC. I don’t think I am alone in feeling this way.

But you have other subs and communities like this, where gender non conforming individuals are allowed to explore who they are without being defined as trans. We have non binary people here, some of whom identify under the trans label and some who don’t; we have butch cis lesbians, we have transwomen lesbians here; we have butches who are submissive, who are dominant, who only date butches, who only date femmes, who date them all. To me, that feels like the opposite of narrow. We’re all allowed to exist here, however we have experienced being female at any point of our lives, however we have experienced being gender non-conforming, however we have experienced being attracted to women. Cisnormative and heteronormative society will never fully embrace us or understand us and I understand that’s lonely. But butch people who go on to identify as trans ( or who identify as trans concurrently)are not the source of my loneliness. I wish them the best on their path, trust that they are doing the best they can in any given moment to be their authentic selves, and hope that they find more love than hate along the way. My only source of loneliness is if my own identity is policed, or when I am told I do not belong, whether by the cishet world, or my own LGBTQ community.

I have a home here in the butch community. Butch is how I identify. Not as woman, but as butch. Because that holds space for all of me – the person who was raised a girl, the person who was a proud tomboy, the person who was told they needed to conform to feminine gender presentation when they hit puberty, the person who was closeted, the person who came out of the closet, the person who cut their hair, the person who finally accepted their queerness and masculinity, the person who finally felt safe enough to fall in love with a woman openly and honestly, and who is still accepting it each and everyday. I have a home with all butches who navigate female and non binary masculinity in ways that are, to me, beautiful, subversive, queer and inspiring.

This magazine has helped me more than I can describe. If you haven’t seen it, here’s some amazing butch representation for all butches. All of us belong here.

Butch Is Not A Dirty Word

Ellen Page comes out as Elliot Page, non-binary and trans : butchlesbians

Ellen Page comes out as Elliot Page, non-binary and trans

Oscar nominated star Ellen Page comes out as Trans

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this. My first thought was that I am really happy for him. And fuck, that is brave. And my second is so much fear for him. I can already predict that a portion of the lesbian community, particularly anyone of the TERF/gender-critical/rad fem variety, is going to freak out about this and hassle him relentlessly. He has come out not once, but twice, first as a lesbian and now as non-binary, and I feel like the latter coming out is going to be so much harder for him. It sounds like he has a lot of support, and love. I can’t imagine coming out so publicly. His story reminds me so much of my own, and I know how vulnerable and excited I felt during the whole process. I hope that he is surrounded by all the love and support he needs as he continues his journey.

Late bloomer butches : butchlesbians

Late bloomer butches : butchlesbians

Hey all you wonderful humans, I’ve been struggling some with the butch label, particularly as it relates to being a late bloomer. I really identify with it, and see myself reflected in so many butch stories (thanks to places like here and BINADW!). But I can’t shake this persistent imposter syndrome and feeling that because I’m late to the game, coming out in my 30s, and didn’t have to struggle through so many things that are so foundational for so many butch women, that I don’t deserve to claim it as my own. I realize that it’s SUPER problematic to get hung up on butch as essentially based in suffering/trauma, and I don’t really believe that for anybody else. You know how we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards that we’d never dream of putting on others? Yeah, that.

I’d just love to hear some reassuring, welcoming words from other late bloomer butches, and your experiences finding home in a label that was otherwise not part of your sense of self for so long simply because you came out later in life.

Just got my first pair of TomboyX underwear and here’s my review of them that no one asked for :) : butchlesbians

Just got my first pair of TomboyX underwear and here’s

Okay so for starters here’s what I got

I’m 5’6 and 125 pounds and got the size small.

When they first arrived I was worried they would be too big because I’m so used to buying boys boxers which visually look much smaller than these. These looked bigger than what I’m used to BUT when I tried them on they were a perfect fit. I probably could have fit into an XS because of the stretchy material these are made out of but the small is pretty damn close to a perfect fit. They are tight around my body but not in an uncomfortable way, it’s almost like you can’t even feel them there. The material is also very breathable.

Because I’m so skinny, men’s boxers don’t really fit me so I usually would buy boys XL. The difference in fit between boys boxers vs these that are actually made for adult bodies is amazing. It’s crazy that for the first time I am wearing underwear that is actually designed for bodies like mine.

Another thing to note is not having that extra fabric pocket in the groin area that you find with men’s underwear while at the same time maintaining a masculine feel with TomboyX is nice.

Something else I noticed in the difference between these vs men’s/boys underwear is the extra layer of fabric in the crotch area (similar to how regular women’s underwear has the extra fabric there for leaks during period/while ovulating etc) TomboyX has that extra layer of fabric, I know that with boys underwear there would be times where I would leak through them while ovulating so it’s also great that I won’t be having that problem with TomboyX.

The overall quality and design of the underwear is also great! The specific pair that I got has a very soft spandex/cotton feel, I’m not exactly sure what type of material they actually used thats just what they feel like to me lol

I will mention however that I feel that the price point is pretty expensive. Do I feel like these underwear are above average? Yes! But do I also feel that they’re kind of pricey? Yes. Ideally I’d love for every single pair of underwear I own to be made for bodies like mine, so specifically from brands like TomboyX. But if I’m going to get 10 pairs of underwear to replace my old underwear I’d be spending over $300 and that’s a lot of money for just underwear. I don’t blame TomboyX for their prices though, I feel that once the market catches up and more brands like TomboyX appear that all prices for this specialty type of underwear will eventually go down.

Another possible con to these underwear is that I wish the waistband was just a little bit thicker. I’m a thick waistband type of gal, like you know when your shirt rises up and you get a lil peek of the waistband, I like that. BUT this is all just personal preference and it’s not like the waistband is tiny or anything, just a pretty standard size.

Overall I’m very pleased with my purchase and highly recommend them to anyone who’s looking for underwear made with masculine women in mind 🙂

B4B Butch is Not a Dirty Word (Flutter App Review) : butchlesbians

B4B Butch is Not a Dirty Word (Flutter App Review)

Hey butches and those looking to meet them, I tried out that Butch is Not a Dirty Word online dating event. The app that hosted it is called Flutter, and they make an attempt to have it feel organic, like you’re scoping the room at an in-person event looking for cool people to approach. Events take place at a certain time of day. When the event first opens, you’ll only be able to look at profiles and swipe. After a certain amount of time, chatting opens and you can talk to people but at midnight all your matches disappear, to encourage you to move conversations off the app.

Neat setup, right? Here’s how it broke down:

Profile detail: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❌

I don’t think I saw anyone who straight up did not have a bio. Hallelujah! You can select up to three prompts to respond to (I liked the prompts!) but the character limits are pretty strict and I felt like I had to leave out important stuff. Other than the fact that this app may not be for me because I tend to get wordy, I like people to know upfront that I’d prefer to have more than one life partner. There wasn’t an option to indicate polyamory or other potential dealbreakers, just the three prompts. Maybe I’m just spoiled from Lex, but it also didn’t seem like you could write very much?

Queer inclusiveness: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❌❌

How do you have a butch-focused anything in 2020 without a quality nonbinary option? Not sure, but Flutter did it. The initial gender options are men, women, and other. I clicked other, it then prompted me to select man or woman after. (That part is pretty common for apps, so they know whether to show you to someone seeking men or seeking women.) So I went with woman, because I’m woman-adjacent/part-time girl/whatever. However, my profile didn’t show “other/woman,” or “other,” or even a space to write in “none gender with left sapphic.” It just showed “woman” which was kind of icky, but the field where you type your name allows parentheses and slashes so I and a few others that I saw put (they/them) behind our names.

Dating pool: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❌

The other events are pretty concentrated to major cities, so if you live in NYC this might be great. Otherwise, people were pretty spread out – I saw some from Canada and I’m in the US – which might be an issue for some of you. I’m trying to leave my current town for grad school anyway so I didn’t care much, but if you’re looking to find someone local, this app may not work for you unless you’re in NYC. I didn’t see any straight girls looking for friends or lesbian-fetish het dudes, so maybe they haven’t invaded WLW Flutter yet. But I did get messaged first a few times, right at 7PM Central when chatting opened. Also, butches hot.

Filters: 🏳️‍🌈❌❌❌❌

The only two I was able to find were age range and the gender you’re seeking. And I only figured out how to get to those because the page prompted me to loosen my filters after I went through the whole stack :/ (more points off from UI). It allows you to list your occupation, but you can’t filter profiles by it, nor for location, faith, smoking status, type of relationship, or other criteria.

User Interface: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❌❌❌

The timed events idea is intriguing, and since everyone was on at once I tended to get responses fairly quickly. Whenever I tried to add a sixth picture it would delete the fifth one and trying to drag them into the right order was kind of buggy too. But you could just scroll down to see the profile, you didn’t have to pull it up in a new window or press and hold or anything, which is nice. But how do you find the filters? Before the event, the homepage had an “expired matches” section, but afterwards it disappeared?

Tl;dr

If you’re in a major US city, you might have TONS of events (I saw one for ex-Mormons, NYC law students, etc). This might also be a good app for you if you keep forgetting to check your phone, want a break from always messaging first, or if you’re constantly on apps and want to tone it down to just one night a week. Your photos have to do a lot of the work of representing you since that character limit is so tight, so make sure you have some action shots of you baking/playing with your dog/rock climbing/etc. I might check in again if they hold another butch-focused event but overall, it didn’t quite work for me.

My GF and I, a lesbian couple, have made this store, we’d love to hear a feedback from you : butchlesbians

My GF and I, a lesbian couple, have made this

I like your designs but you don’t have my size (xs, i can make a small work in women’s sizes sometimes but a unisex s is way too big for me) in anything but crop tops (which just aren’t my style) and at your price point I would want a good fit so I probably wouldn’t buy anything. Idk how many tiny people there are in search of these clothes though and what access you have to sizing through your supplier/printer so manufacturing them might not be profitable.

ETA: if you ungender the categories make sure to make it clear what sizing metric each shirt uses since women’s, men’s, and unisex are not the same so people might buy a different size based on what sizing is being used. Also upon further looking you do have xs in just a couple t shirts but if i’m being real i probably would have assumed that you didn’t and not clicked on more after the first 3 i clicked if i weren’t trying to give feedback. So a way to search based on size availability would be nice

Rant about an argument I had with my dad … about me being a masc of center lesbian. : butchlesbians

Rant about an argument I had with my dad ...

“…nothing new, nothing shocking. I’ve just failed to grow it out, once again.” Relatable. I get the same talk about the “assumptions” people will make and I just think to myself, “GOOD.” Slide one of those protein shakes my way, OP!

Thank you for writing this. Sometimes people say things that are so completely wild that we have a duty to document it haha. I’m also enjoying the comments so I’ll add that, for me, attending an art college is to blame.

I’m donating gc2b tank binder : butchlesbians

I'm donating gc2b tank binder : butchlesbians

Hello Everyone,

I bought a binder from gc2b but it was too tight. I emailed them for size exchange, they said since I ordered it myself and not with their consultant, they cannot do an exchange. This is why they will not grow like other online stores, their policy gears toward their own interest instead of “customer first” like Amazon.

The size is Large, nude 5 tank. I paid $35 plus tax and shipping.

If you live in Los Angeles, feel free to pick it up.

If you want me to mail it to you, please pay for the shipping cost. I have a Paypal. I would have ship it to you for free but I’m currently unemployed.

If you are financially able, please don’t ask me. I’d like to give this to someone who needs it most. So I trust you with an honor system.

https://www.gc2b.co/collections/gc2b-all-nude/products/nude-no-5-tank

Menswear Website for Short Dudes : butchlesbians

Menswear Website for Short Dudes : butchlesbians

i just saw a meme on twitter dunking (lol) on this store so i looked it up and ayyyyy it’s real! men’s clothes for shorter dudes! in other words clothes for most butches!! really short inseams and really short sleeve lengths so even if someone’s bigger round the middle, they get to have properly fitting sleeves lol. the downside is its kinda expensive 🙁 but go nuts y’all

https://www.under510.com/