Tag: dad

“My Shadow Is Pink” Shows the Love of a Dad

"My Shadow Is Pink" Shows the Love of a Dad

A young child, assigned male at birth but whose “shadow is pink” and likes to wear dresses finds acceptance from his burly, masculine, blue-shadowed dad in a new picture book inspired by the author and his child’s real-life story.

My Shadow Is Pink

Children’s book author Scott Stuart’s son has had a love for Elsa from Disney’s Frozen since he was three years old, Stuart wrote in a piece at The Father Hood. This soon included wanting to wear Elsa dresses. Stuart, who’d been his school’s rugby captain and grew up in “a highly traditional masculine way,” wasn’t comfortable with that at first. When his son came home from daycare after being bullied for having an Elsa doll, however, Stuart started writing and illustrating My Shadow Is Pink, a picture book about a gender creative child (presumably assigned male at birth (AMAB)) and his dad. The book came out in Australia and the U.K. last year, but has its U.S. publication this week.

The protagonist of My Shadow Is Pink is a White child who loves pink, princesses, and other things “not for boys”—especially “wearing dresses and dancing around.” In rhyming couplets, he tells us that he halts such activities, when his dad—also White, but large, hairy-chested, and mustached—walks in. His dad tells him that it’s “just a phase” and that he’ll soon have a blue shadow, too. The child wishes for this so he’ll be like his dad and brother, but quickly realizes “I cannot fit in when my shadow stands out.”

On the child’s first day of school, the teacher has asked each student to dress up with their shadow “in its favorite thing.” The child puts on a dress and looks at his dad, who is fearful but takes him to class anyway. Seeing the big dad wringing his hands anxiously about this adds another layer to readers’ thinking about what it means to be a strong man. Sometimes strength means protecting your child from harm; sometimes it means letting them forge their own path; sometimes physical strength can’t help.

In class, the child is clearly different from the boys, who all have blue shadows (as does one child who appears to be a girl). All the children look at him. He runs home and tears off his dress, vowing never to wear it again.

My Shadow Is Pink

But wait … there’s a knock on his door, and in walks his dad, blue-shadowed but wearing a pink sparkly dress in solidarity. The dad says that he realizes the child’s pink shadow is “your innermost you.” He shows him pictures of a variety of people whose shadows (read: innermost selves) also like gender atypical things. One man loves fashion and art; one girl loves cheerleading, but also engines and cars; a male weightlifter loves dance;  one girl’s shadow “likes girls.”

The dad encourages the child to put his dress back on, cautioning him that while some may not love him for this, the ones that do “will love you a lot”—and those that don’t are fools. Both father and child walk hand in hand, clad in dresses, back to school, where the other children ask the child to be their friend.

My Shadow Is Pink

Stuart isn’t just making up stories here—he’s living the support he writes about. When his son wanted to wear an Elsa dress for the Sydney, Australia premiere of Disney’s Frozen 2, Stuart told him “There is no way you’re doing that … alone,” and donned an identical (but larger) dress alongside him. Stuart’s video about the event went viral on TikTok and has 4.8 million likes as of this writing.

@scott.creates

#parenting #parents #dadlife #fatherhood #kids #frozen2 #frozen2 #elsa

? Show Yourself – Frozen 2 – The Blue Notes

There are a fair number of books now about gender-creative AMAB children encountering questions or harassment about their gender expression at school. Stuart’s take on the theme stands out for its focus on the relationship between the child and his dad and on societal ideas about masculinity. The over-exaggerated depiction of the dad as a hirsute lumberjack type who nevertheless loves and supports his son feels particularly heartwarming. If a dad like that can accept a gender creative son, anyone can (or so we can hope).

Stuart also recently completed a successful Kickstarter campaign to create a short film based on the book. Stay tuned—and in the meantime, check out his short guide for parents, “So, your son wants to wear a dress?” on Instagram!

Single gay man who dreamed of being a dad adopts girl left at hospital

adopt

Pablo Fracchia never thought it would be possible for him to adopt (Instagram/@pablitofracchia)

A single gay man who always wanted to be a father has found the family of his dreams after adopting a baby girl who’d been left at the hospital.

Growing up in deeply conservative Argentina in the 1990s, Pablo Fracchia never thought fatherhood was an option for him.

As a teenager he thought there were only two ways his story could pan out: stay in the closet, or give up his dream of being a dad.

“I remember seeing the archbishop on the national public TV channel saying that every gay man should go and live on an island and stay away from good working people,” he told Bored Panda.

“And also the effects from the dictatorship (when it came to police raids on LGBT+ places) were a regular thing even after democracy was reestablished. So there is an absolute distance between my childhood and the current situation.”

But things changed: Pablo grew up to become an activist for the LGBTQ+ Federation of Argentina, and over time he gradually watched his country evolve around him.

When Argentina became one of the first Latin American countries to legalise same-sex marriage in 2010, he had a flash of hope – his dream of becoming a dad could actually come true.

Pablo signed up to adopt a child in 2017, and after two long years of waiting he got a phone call from a family judge.

That was the first time he heard about Mia, a little girl a year and ten months old, living in a hospital due to a severe gastrointestinal condition.

Mia needed serious medical attention and her biological family was unable to provide it, so she was sent to an institution for children with health issues.

Pablo immediately put himself forward. When the three other parents who were in the running to adopt Mia were ruled out, he got the all-important call – he was able to meet his daughter for the first time the next day.

They’ve now been together for over a year and Pablo dotes on his little daughter. “If I have to use two words to describe Mia, it would be ‘resilience’ and ‘power’,” he said.

“This girl survived in every single possible way as she had a rough start in her health, with a lot of challenges and she fought and faced them alone at only months of age. And now she is a 100 per cent healthy kid like everyone else.”

As an LGBT+ activist, Pablo recognises that he was only able to adopt as a single gay man due to collective campaigning powers. He now encourages other activists to follow in his footsteps and continue breaking down barriers.

“Meet others like you. Organise. Fight for your dream,” he said.

“The status quo can only be broken when we organise with people struggling with similar issues and start showing the injustices we live with, to the public eye. It’s still illegal to be gay in almost 70 countries. Some of them even include the death penalty. So hang in there and organise.”

 

Singer Duncan James reveals how to survive homophobia as a gay dad / Queerty

Singer Duncan James reveals how to survive homophobia as a

Singer Duncan James, best known as a member of the UK pop boyband Blue, has finally opened up about how he copes with homophobia as a public figure, and how he protects his daughter from it.

James initially came out as bisexual in 2009, and had a brief relationship with Spice Girl Geri Halliwell. He also has a daughter from his ex-girlfriend Claire Grainger, born in 2005. He amended his label to “gay” in 2012, and has since gone public with several relationships with men, including current boyfriend Rodrigo Reis.

Now, for the first time, James tells the UK publication The Sun about how he’s endured homophobia since coming out, and tried to protect his 16-year-old daughter from it.

“She is at an age where she is very much into her phone, and her friends are all on social media platforms like TikTok — it’s very much her life,” James says of his daughter, Tianie. “But she’s also aware that people could be horrible. People can be quite nasty about me being gay and say quite horrible things about the fact that I’m a gay dad. People have written to her, saying, ‘Isn’t it disgusting your dad’s gay? How do you feel? You must be ashamed of him’, and stuff like that, and you’re just like, ‘Why are you writing to a kid saying stuff like that? Are you really crazy?’ People are just awful.”

Related: Duncan James On Coming Out As Bisexual: “It Was Just Easier To Use That Word”

“I’ve had quite a lot of people from other countries writing to me in disbelief that I’m gay, saying I’m going to burn in hell, it’s a sin and I’m going to be punished by God,” he added. “I think it’s probably because they’re frightened about it or they don’t have the awareness or their religion has dictated that it’s wrong and it’s disgusting.”

For Jones, the best way to protect Tianie comes down to one simple plan: limiting her social media use.

“There’s that fine line,” he said. “We want her to have her privacy but as a parent you just have to be really vigilant and aware that it’s not a nice place out there sometimes. You want your kid to be protected and safe. That’s the most important thing.”

Jones also added that Tianie’s mother, Claire, also has become the target of homophobes. “Claire’s had abuse about me being gay too,” he admitted. “People reach out and be nasty, but she’s learned to just block people. It’s made us stronger.”

Still, despite the social media drama, Jones says he has no regrets about coming out or parenthood. In fact, he would like to have more children.

“For Rodrigo, having children is really important,” Jones says, “so we have talked about it. He’s said he would love to be a father at some point. The thing with me is I don’t want to commit to having a child until I am married and I know it’s a secure relationship. I think having a child is something you have to think long and hard about, especially in a gay relationship because it’s a lot harder.”

We have a feeling that won’t dissuade Duncan and Rodrigo.

Britney Spears makes another bid to ban dad Jamie from personal affairs

Britney spears father dad

Britney Spears with her father in Hollywood, California in 2008. (Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage)

Britney Spears‘ lawyer plans to file another petition to give the pop star her freedom back and permanently bar her father from her personal affairs and estate.

According to Today, Samuel D Ingham III said on Wednesday (17 March) that he intends to petition the court to bring Jodi Montgomery as a permanent conservator for Britney. Montgomery was briefly in charge of Britney’s estate after her father, Jamie Spears, took a break for personal health reasons.

Britney has been embroiled in a complex court-order conservatorship since 2008 after she went through a mental health crisis. Under the terms of the arrangement, her father has maintained significant control over the pop star’s wellbeing and estate.

In 2019, Spears had to take a break from being a conservator due to his health, and Montgomery briefly stepped in to take over. Spears returned and still maintains control over Britney’s conservatorship.

Ingham argued last year that Britney would rather have Montgomery remain in control of her estate and asked the courts to remove Jamie Spears from the conservatorship. However, a judge denied Ingham’s request in November.

Britney has been fighting to be freed from the arrangement for much of the last year. In February, a judge denied Jamie Spears’ request to retain the power to delegate investment powers for Britney’s estate.

The decision means that Spears will retain equal control with the Bessemer Trust, a firm that was appointed as a co-conservator in November 2020 by the courts after Britney’s legal team said she was “afraid of her father”.

This sentiment was further confirmed by Britney’s cousin and assistant who alleged that Jamie “100 per cent” threatened her life, and she did not speak to the star after the incident as a result.

Alli Sims, who worked as Spears’ assistant in the mid-2000s, told NBC News that Jamie “100 per cent was threatening me with my life” when he demanded she cut off ties with Britney. She alleged this happened in 2008, shortly after the star entered her conservatorship.

“I didn’t put it past him, so I didn’t answer [Britney’s calls again],” Sims admitted.

Ingham’s current petition does not appear to remove Jamie Spears from conservatorship but requesting that Montgomery be granted a conservator, based on the statement he made in court.

The court will review the new petition and other filings in a hearing on 27 April, according to NBC News.

Ingham declined to comment to NBC News about the petition, and an attorney for Jamie Spears did not have a comment on the matter either.

Jamie Spears’ attorney Vivian L Thoreen has claimed that Britney could have asked as “any time” to end her conservatorship. The lawyer told PEOPLE: “Any time Britney wants to end her conservatorship, she can ask her lawyer to file a petition to terminate it; she has always had this right, but in 13 years has never exercised it.”

Thoreen added that Jamie Spears has “diligently and professionally carried out his duties as one of Britney’s conservators, and his love for his daughter and dedication to protecting her is clearly apparent to the court”.

Gay dad shares worst things people have said since having his son

Gay dads with their child

Robin Morgan-Bentley shared a list of the worst things people have said to him since becoming a father. (Stock image from Envato Elements)

A gay man has shared a list of the top 10 bizarre, offensive things people have said to him and his husband since they became dads.

Robin Morgan-Bentley shared the list on Twitter, highlighting the discriminatory attitudes queer parents often face in their everyday lives.

“Top 10 things actual people have said to me and my husband this year, as new gay dads,” Morgan-Bentley wrote.

Some of the points are hilarious, showing that people can be ignorant without meaning to be offensive – but others are truly shocking.

“Oh it’s lads’ day out today! So cute. Is mummy having the day off?” is the number one bizarre thing Morgan-Bentley has heard since becoming a dad.

Is the mum still involved? It must be so hard for her

But the list also reveals that people have questioned which of them is the “real dad”, while others have interrogated them on whether they worry about their son not being breast-fed.

Other questions include: “Is the mum still involved? It must be so hard for her,” and: “Do you reckon he’ll also be gay when he grows up?”

“What if his first word is mummy?” another person asked him, while another concerned straight person said: “Do you want me to help settle him?”

Gay dad was told: ‘I can be his mummy if you want’.

Perhaps most worryingly, one person actually said to him: “I can be his mummy if you want.”

Other people also alluded to the fact that their son was born in 2020 as COVID-19 began its rapid spread across the world.

“Oh he’s going to miss out on so much!” one person said to them. “Think of all the facial expressions he’s missing under these masks.”

Other Twitter users quickly shared their own horror stories of cis and straight people making bizarre, offensive, and sometimes hilarious faux-pas with their children.

Trans dad Freddy McConnell replied: “Solidarity! I’ve had many of these. Also virtually every one of my female friends/relatives has been assumed to be my kid’s mum more than once.”

Another gay dad replied: “We’ve had all of these and more. My particular fave: on seeing me choose a Fathers’ Day card with junior: ‘Oh your grandson is so adorable!’ (Though, maybe I just looked old).”

One woman added: “People are so intrusive to LGBTQ people’s lives. I’ve had a colleague ask me in a lift at work if I want kids, who will have them, how it will work… All in a one minute lift ride to the canteen (with other people in there…).”

But author CL Taylor perhaps summed it up best in her response to the thread, simply writing: “Woah. People are so rude.”

Rant about an argument I had with my dad … about me being a masc of center lesbian. : butchlesbians

Rant about an argument I had with my dad ...

“…nothing new, nothing shocking. I’ve just failed to grow it out, once again.” Relatable. I get the same talk about the “assumptions” people will make and I just think to myself, “GOOD.” Slide one of those protein shakes my way, OP!

Thank you for writing this. Sometimes people say things that are so completely wild that we have a duty to document it haha. I’m also enjoying the comments so I’ll add that, for me, attending an art college is to blame.

Watch: Short Film About Gay Dad and His Daughter’s First Weeks of School

Watch: Short Film About Gay Dad and His Daughter's First

In a moving new short film, a gay dad prepares lunches for his daughter during her first weeks of school and reflects on starting his family, his own difficult school days, and his hopes for the future. Along with the film is a short documentary that looks more broadly at what family means to LGBTQ people.

Matt Gurr’s Lunchboxes, starring Daniel Brennan and directed by Dan Ellis, is a 17-minute monologue that I found to be an unexpectedly touching piece of storytelling. It was “filmed during lockdown with Zoom and a lot of time and patience,” per the show notes, as a collaboration between Green Carnation Company, an LGBTQ-focused theatrical and digital content company, and Bloody Bandit Productions, both based in Manchester, U.K.

To go along with the short, the companies have also released the educational film Queer All About It: My Queer Family, a 17-minute documentary that looks at “what family means to LGBTQ+ people and what challenges, rewards and support they experience.” In it, LGBTQ+ family members across the U.K. and from organizations like New Family Social, The Rainbow Project, and FFLAG, talk about adoption, same-sex parenting, reciprocal IVF, found and chosen families, and more. Even for those of us not in the U.K., there’s lot that should resonate.

The films are part of “Queer All About It,” Green Carnation Theatre’s ongoing digital project exploring themes affecting the LGBTQ+ community. Watch them both here—I recommend seeing Lunchboxes first, since My Queer Family uses two clips from it and there are mild spoilers.

 

Dad who rejected gay son wants to make things right

Coming out dad gay son

A dad who reacted badly when his son came out as gay now wishes he could “turn the clock back” and make things right – but it might already be too late.

The father wrote to The Sun’s advice columnist Deidre Sanders about his harsh reaction when his son first came out as gay.

“I reacted badly when my son first told me he’s gay.

“I am his dad and I wish I could turn the clock back but a recent angry outburst showed that he has never forgiven me.

“Now I am 60 and he is 36. He had a breakdown when he was 22 and just out of university.”

The dad explained that his son had been in a same-sex relationship that “ended badly” and he was “left feeling distraught”.

“I reacted very negatively to him being gay and now realise I didn’t give him my full support.”

He also admitted to making “racist remarks” about his son’s partner, claiming he was “fearful of the reaction of others”.

I reacted very negatively to him being gay and now realise I didn’t give him my full support.

His son’s anger has been “close to the surface” for years, and the pair were estranged for some time.

Now, the father wishes he could change the way he reacted to his son’s coming out.

He is worried his cruel reaction to his son’s coming out has left a ‘scar’.

“He is happy with a partner now but it has left a scar on him. I’ve said I am sorry but it sounds so meaningless.”

In her response, advice columnist Deidre Sanders told the man that children crave “unconditional love” from their parents – and noted that this is why his son feels so hurt.

“If your attitudes and prejudices really have changed, apologising to your son now will sound authentic,” she wrote.

Sanders concluded by telling the man to write his son a letter where he can carefully word an apology that comes from the heart.

 

Cruel dad whipped his teen son mercilessly after finding him using Grindr

Cruel dad whipped his teen son mercilessly after finding him

A father in a southern England town assailed his own 15-year-old son – humiliating him and whipping him with a television cable – all because he joined Grindr.

Courts in Plymouth heard how the father launched into a brutal display of dominance against his own child as he lashing he son 20 times while calling him gay and a “woman” for joining the queer dating app.

The man, who is in his 40s but cannot be named to protect the identity of his son, forced his son to strip to just his underwear, PlymouthLive reported, in a disturbing saga that came to an end when the son fled his family home and broke down at school.

Senior barristers commented that the son will likely not only suffer from physical scarring due to the attack, but long-lasting psychological trauma, too.

Father launches into rash of violence against his own child for having Grindr on his mobile phone.

Plymouth Crown Court heard how the father hurled a volley of homophobic and transphobic insults towards his own son. His legal counsel sought to argue that the attack was not driven by hostility towards his child’s sexuality.

But the judge told the defendant: “You asked him about photographs of lots of boys on his phone and shouted ‘You are gay’ and ‘you are a woman’.

“You shouted: ‘What’s that between your legs?’

“You hit him again and again, some 20 times, with the television cable. You caused him ‘loads of pain’, to use his words.

“I have no doubt that part of the reason you became angry is that you saw material which you thought indicated he was bisexual.”

‘The son will inevitably suffer some psychological consequences,’ says senior barrister.

Prosecutors said the father asked to borrow the son’s mobile phone, leading him to see Grindr and the photographs that prompted the deluge of violence. He cornered the teen who then left to see a friend that evening.

The morning after, the father, again, confronted his son, lobbing vile remarks before forcing him to take off his pyjamas. Shivering in just underwear and socks, the son was then struck by his father “multiple times across his body, particularly his arm, breaking the skin there”, the Crown Prosecution Service’s Francesca Whebell said.

“While he was beating his son, the defendant was continuing to ask questions,” she said, noting that the father’s attack appeared motivated his the teen “exploring his sexuality”.

The son only managed to escape, she said, after he asked for a glass of water. He instead grabbed his school uniform and fled the scene, changing his clothes before class.

The defendant pleaded guilty to causing actual bodily harm on 30 September last year.

Recorder Pilgerstorfer QC said: “On the basis of the photographs, he is likely to be left with some scarring on his arm and he will inevitably suffer some psychological consequences.”