Donston

“Labels” help a lot of people politically. They also assists with feeling like you are a part of a “community“, and they assist in helping some people understand you more. So, they are helpful for multiple reasons. But selling identity as the be-all to everything just needs to stop. Hell, we can’t even come to a consensus around what “sexuality” even is. Sexual arousal, enjoyment, desire, passion, comfort, preference, behavior, history are all different things. And people choose whichever of those elements to define what sexuality means to them. Then there’s the different types of fluidity or paraphiliacs/fetishes or confusions/questioning some people experience. Then there’s the elements of gender, romantic affections, emotional connections and fulfilling commitment. Then there’s a bunch of other things that often play into what people do or how they present themselves: family, ethics, religion, ego, insecurities, sociology, resentments, internal phobias, money, trauma, mental health struggles, attention whoring, addictions, an individual’s sex drive.

This is the impasse we keep returning to. There’s just too much different shit going on, too many different types of people, and too many different struggles, motives, identities and interpretations. So, shaming people, pressuring people, or mostly just pushing identity politics is not the most helpful instinct. If you’re placing identity before people feeling safe, secure and sane and before people feeling free to live the lives that they really want to live then you’re not being helpful. In fact, you are a part of the problem. However, none of this means that you can’t call out the many folks who say and do vulture-like, manipulative or problematic things.