Well it’s Friday and somehow we made it, so let’s talk about Boobs On Your Tube shall we?

On RuPaul’s Drag Race, things really were A BEAST if you know what we mean. On Wynonna Earp it’s trivia night in purgatory. Batwoman has brought back a familiar name (in a new way) and we certainly had some thoughts about that! Betty Cooper has entered chaos mode on Riverdale! Good Trouble’s episode about painful Asian stereotypes in comedy couldn’t have pierced us more deeply in the wake of last week’s hate crimes in Atlanta. Demi Lovato’s struggle with addiction is laid bare (and will break your heart!) in her new documentary, Dancing with the Devil. Riese watched Deadly Illusions on Netflix and has proclaimed it a homoerotic girl-meets-nanny thriller that will leave you asking “what” (CANNOT WAIT). And just when you think there can’t be anymore Generation Q breaking news… there is always more Generation Q breaking news!

March Madness is well underway, did you vote in the first round yet? We have the Classics Region, the Grown Region, and the Baby Gay Region (which is still open for voting! Let’s go Elena and Syd!)

PS — We have a new quiz: Which Tropey TV Lesbian or Bisexual Death Are You?

Notes from the TV Team:

I almost forgot it in my recap, but LEXIE GREY IS RETURNING TO GREY’S ANATOMY NEXT WEEK! So glad that Supergirl could give Alex Danvers the time off to visit her original family for bit. — Carmen

Nancy Drew 209: “The Bargain of the Blood Shroud”

Written by Valerie Anne

Bess is snuggled in a blanket and trying to reach a bag of chips with a pair of tongs so she doesn't have to get up.

I don’t know why she had tongs in her nest of sadness but I appreciate this snack-grabbing efficiency.

On this week’s episode of Nancy Drew, Bess decided to do a me-during-quarantine impression and nest in some blankets and sadness on Nancy’s couch while the rest of the Drew Crew went off to steal back the shroud they stole that was stolen from them by the Bobbsey twins. Mr. Carson ends up distracting her and cheering her up with a made up lawyerly task and it’s actually very, very sweet.

Meanwhile George is losing more and more control to the angsty lesbian ghost inside her, and Odette doesn’t want to be stuck sharing a body any more than George does and decides she wants to join her lover Mary in the afterlife, for real this time. She takes George’s body up to a cliff and it ends up being Bess who uses her lesbianism and new lawyerly skills to convince Odette not to jump. And listen Lisbeth is fine but little would delight me more than if somehow Bess and Odette found a way to be together. Sapphic spectres deserve love, too!

Legacies 308: “Landon Landon, Landon Landon”

Written by Valerie Anne

Josie and Finch exchange flirty glances in front of an open high school locker.

“When I said we should go on a Ditch Date, I didn’t mean you should ditch our date for some cute yet intimidating girl you obviously have a thing for.”

On this week’s episode of Landon Ruins Everything, Hope remains obsessed with getting her boyfriend back and doesn’t care who or what she ruins to get her way. Including but not limited to other people’s relationships or magical sobriety. When Lizzie refuses to go along with her wildly dangerous plan to rescue a tub of expired sour cream, Hope goes to the Regular School and interrupts a blossoming Ditch Date between Josie and Finch, knowing full well that Josie would drop anything to help her, not caring what that would look like to Finch. Hope brought Josie’s magic coin to the party, and tells her that she needs Josie to tap into the dark magic that almost destroyed her, all to save her boyfriend, not knowing or caring that Kaleb already had it handled. Either way, Landon is back now, so Hope has her beau back, and doesn’t seem all that interested in helping Josie get hers.

Genera+ion 106: “The Wheels On the Bussy” and 107: “Desert Island”

Written by Drew

Greta and Riley lean their heads together listening to music on the bus

Genera+ion is my new “shout at the TV” show. Just constant squealing at cuteness and screaming at characters doing stupid things — some authentically teen stupid, some annoying screenwriter stupid.

The two episodes this week find the GSA going on their road trip to San Francisco. The first episode takes place on the bus trip and the second at a motel where they’re forced to stay after the bus breaks down.

After a talk with her mom, Greta is feeling hopeless about Riley. Even if things work out now, when her mom comes back her social life and what is acceptable will completely change. “Do not let your mother get in your head,” Ana insists. “How? Just, like, how?” Greta replies defeated. Not sure how the Genera+ion writers got transcripts from my therapy sessions.

Ana says that Greta can choose to be happy or unhappy and she chooses to be unhappy. She’s quiet and distant and doesn’t sit next to Riley on the bus. Meanwhile, Chester is telling Riley she has to hook up with Greta. We find out Riley is a Libra which is exciting for me because I spent much of last year crushing on a Libra and am currently crushing even harder on a different Libra.

They stop for lunch and Riley takes a picture of Greta. She texts her and says she knows it’s stalkery but the picture was too beautiful not to send. The girls smile at each other and when they get back on the bus they sit together! Riley plays Greta “Door” by Caroline Polachek and they lean their heads next to each other and hold hands and it is VERY CUTE.

Unfortunately their night together does not go as planned. But first the scenes of the kids hanging out together at the motel are so fucking adorable and reveal the magic the show can have when it’s not spending time on mall births and silly wedding speeches. I could just hang out with them for hours.

Riley is truth-or-dared to buy a bottle of wine from the front desk with her fake ID. She takes Greta with her and steals one instead — Greta then drops it in the pool by accident. They decide to just go back to their room where they lie next to each other eating candy and watching videos.

The dreamy close ups as the girls glance at each other perfectly capture their longing. Finally, THEY KISS. Riley quickly starts to get undressed and Greta freaks out. She says she’s not like Riley and this offends Riley who storms off. Riley finds her way to Lucia’s room and she hooks up with her instead.

I get that this is a teen soap opera, but I think what’s frustrating for me is I think it would work better as a teen dramedy. Riley hooking up with Lucia was expected and makes sense. But the drama also feels manufactured in a way that undercuts the show’s delights. Imagine how much more interesting it would’ve been to live in the discomfort of Greta not being ready to have sex and Riley feeling rejected.

The ending of the episode with Chester and Sam works because the explosive scene was a necessary response to the conflict itself. But not everything needs to go wrong in the biggest way. Sometimes it’s more interesting to explore the quieter struggles and I think that would’ve better suited Greta and Riley’s story. It’s okay to let some of the conflicts stay grounded. Even if teens are a bunch of drama queens.

Written by Carmen

Dr. Teddy Altman sits on a bench with her ex-girlfriend in Central Park. The bench is blue, the grass is green, and the girlfriends rest their heads on each other's shoulders in love.

I wish I knew how to explain last night’s Grey’s Anatomy to you! There is nothing I could say that will make sense or bring clarity, so pour one out for me — I’m going to try anyway!

When we last checked in on Dr. Teddy Altman (for this column, at least) she had confessed to Owen that her best friend Alison — their daughter’s namesake — was actually the love of Teddy’s life, before she died on 9/11. Watching Teddy continue to sort through what up until now has been a secret past, but one that nonetheless wreaks surprisingly organic and authentic havoc on the Teddy Altman we already know, has been absolutely riveting. Owen, of course, has continued to be the self-important ass that I’ve always known him to be, so rather than extend any grace or empathy to the woman he once loved enough to marry, the woman that supposedly was his best friend for a decade — he laughed at her and said that Teddy named their daughter “after a lie.”

Then Dr. DeLuca (not his sister, the other one!) died on Teddy’s watch. And that was the straw that broke her.

This week, Teddy is laying in bed. She won’t eat. She won’t sleep. She isn’t even here with us, not really. She’s far away in her mind’s eye trying to sort through what went wrong with her life. Was it when DeLuca died? No, go back. Was it when Meredith went into a coma? No, go back. Was it cheating on Owen with Karasik? No, keep going back. It was Alison. It was Alison.

(Side note from me: Isn’t it strange that the one reappearance we didn’t get this episode, in a season full of comebacks, was Henry — Teddy’s actual ex husband? I assume Scott Foley couldn’t be found, but still!)

The scenes between Teddy and Alison, though baffling and confusing cloaked in her memory, were sweet enough. Sherri Saum (hey Mama Foster!! We miss you!) still has a smile that lights up any room and the most soothing coo to her voice. I will still always love watching Teddy with a woman, that hasn’t changed. I just wish that literally anything around them made sense. We’ve been building to this specific episode, Teddy unpacking her past, for almost exactly a year to the date. How disappointing that in end, our grand conclusion ended up more an anti-climatic chaotic mass!

While Teddy is lost in her memories, Amelia comes to the house to help with Owen and the kids. I don’t know why I’m bringing this up, because I absolutely hate that so much time of last night’s episode was dedicated to what Owen feels about Teddy’s past (they aren’t his feelings to have!) — but it’s worth noting that Caterina Scorsone absolutely COMES THROUGH as Amelia this week! She gives Owen the brutal reality he’s been missing. That he, of all people, should understand PTSD (never forget what he put Cristina through!).

Which is just so well-timed (eye roll) because Teddy comes to the conclusion that Alison’s death wasn’t her fault, there was nothing she could do to save her. And that realization gives her the healing she needs to get out of bed and take care of her daughter.

It seems that our time with Alison has come to an end, and that ending leads us back to where we were a year ago, as if no time has passed: Owen and Teddy, back together.

Station 19 408: “Make No Mistake, He’s Mine”

Written by Carmen

Carina holds Maya's face in her hands and brings her in for a passionate kiss in the nighttime parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital

Maya is still trying to tend to Carina’s grieving heart, which apparently involves a lot of making bad coffee that makes her Italian girlfriend grimace. Then at the door there’s a knock — and that knock is Gabriella. Gabriella, a near carbon copy of Carina, with her perfect wavy brown hair and her boundless energy and her perfect Italian and and her perfect coffee making skills. Carina tells Maya that the two are friends, until Gabrielle cuts her off to add in Italian, “with lots of sex.” (Maya — who’s Italian is far from perfect, caught that part).

Gabriella has stormed into town because she heard about Andrew’s death and she wanted to be there for Carina to lean on. Maya knows it’s immature and wrong, but she can’t help but feel jealous, it seems like everything about Gabriella only serves to highlight how different Maya and Carina are. She thought they were building a life together! Maya doesn’t build lives with people. And now? It turns out that Carina has done this before. She’s been here before. It’s hard for Maya not to lick her wounds.

So Maya turns to Jack, and confesses the whole thing. Jack suggests being honest with Carina (I think? I’ll be honest, I got a little lost here for a moment) and then later that night, when Jack is doing a little family rescue mission of his own — Maya invites Carina along. Alone in the parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial, Maya tells Carina how insecure she’s feeling, a real moment of vulnerability for a woman whom I spent most of last year calling a robot.

Carina tells Maya that what they are building together is special, a past with Gabriella is no different that Maya’s past with Jack (fair point!) and then she gathers her girlfriend up in her arms and gives her a massive kiss, just for good measure.