Tag: late

Sarah McBride says her late husband was her ‘biggest influence’

Transgender state senator Sarah McBride

Transgender state senator Sarah McBride (Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images for Tribeca Film Festival)

Trailblazing senator Sarah McBride has delivered a moving tribute to her late husband Andy, describing him as the biggest influence on her political career.

McBride made history when she was elected to the Delaware state senate in November, making her the first transgender person in the United States to achieve such a feat.

The trailblazing Democrat reflected on her incredible journey to public office in an interview with Forbes, where she opened up about her formative years.

In the interview, McBride reflected on her relationship with her late husband, who she met while interning at the White House during Barack Obama’s presidency.

Andy, a transgender man, contacted McBride on Facebook a few weeks after they met at a White House Pride reception in 2012. In a message, he asked her out and said he thought they would get along “swimmingly”.

“Typically, I wouldn’t respond to a Facebook message like that,” McBride said. “But I knew we had a bunch of mutual friends. And I thought, anyone my age who says the word swimmingly is good in my book.”

Sarah McBride married her husband four days before he died from cancer.

Tragically, just a year into their relationship, Andy was diagnosed with cancer. He went through a turbulent few months of treatment, which included chemotherapy, radiation and surgery.

Finally, the cancer was gone – but just eight months later, he discovered that the cancer was back, and it was terminal.

After getting his terminal diagnosis, Andy asked McBride to marry him. He tragically died just four days after their wedding.

I left that experience with a profound sense of the urgency of the issues we face, and the preciousness of time.

“When we ask people to sit back and allow for slow conversations to take place before we ensure them opportunity and treat them with dignity, we are asking people to watch their one life pass by without the fairness and opportunity they deserve,” Sarah McBride told Forbes.

“I saw that in Andy’s life as a transgender man, who had come out at a relatively young age and who should have had three-quarters of his life as his authentic self, but because of circumstances outside of his control, he had less than a quarter.”

McBride added: “I left that experience with a profound sense of the urgency of the issues we face, and the preciousness of time.”

Elsewhere in the wide-ranging interview, McBride opened up about the first moment she realised she was transgender.

Aged 10, she was watching the NBC sitcom Just Shoot Me with her mother when a guest character, played by cis actor turned anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy, was revealed to be trans.

McBride asked her mother if characters like the woman in Just Shoot Me existed in real life, and she said they did.

“I thought: ‘Oh, my God, I’m going to have to tell you this someday, and you are going to be so disappointed.”

She said the moment could have been “life-affirming”, but it was instead “soul-crushing” because the character in Just Shoot Me was played for laughs.

McBride said that she knew every time the laugh track played on the show that there “wouldn’t be a place” for her in the world.

“And even if I couldn’t personally benefit… I think I got involved in politics because I thought if I could help others in their pursuit of authenticity and happiness, that it would somehow fill the incompleteness and the pain in my own life,” she said.

Late bloomer butches : butchlesbians

Late bloomer butches : butchlesbians

Hey all you wonderful humans, I’ve been struggling some with the butch label, particularly as it relates to being a late bloomer. I really identify with it, and see myself reflected in so many butch stories (thanks to places like here and BINADW!). But I can’t shake this persistent imposter syndrome and feeling that because I’m late to the game, coming out in my 30s, and didn’t have to struggle through so many things that are so foundational for so many butch women, that I don’t deserve to claim it as my own. I realize that it’s SUPER problematic to get hung up on butch as essentially based in suffering/trauma, and I don’t really believe that for anybody else. You know how we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards that we’d never dream of putting on others? Yeah, that.

I’d just love to hear some reassuring, welcoming words from other late bloomer butches, and your experiences finding home in a label that was otherwise not part of your sense of self for so long simply because you came out later in life.

You Need Help: My Friend Is Late to Everything

You Need Help: My Friend Is Late to Everything


Hi there, I moved to a new city about a year ago and, as is usually the case when I move somewhere, friends have come and gone. I’ve made one really great friend, but there’s a wrench in our relationship: our incongruous approaches to timeliness. He has been, without fail, late to everything we’ve ever planned. His tardiness ranges from one to three hours. Sometimes, I wait an hour and politely ask “what’s your ETA?” and he replies with “Sorry, I’m just going to do my hair and 15 other things and I’ll be on my way!” Recently, he and I were studying at his place and I got hungry so I said “I’m going to go to the grocery store next door, I’ll be back in 5.” I would have been back in five, except he wanted to join. First, he had to change his contact lenses and fix his hair, and then he started telling me this story about his mom that I didn’t pay much attention to because I was annoyed. About 10 more things and 25 minutes later, we finally left his place. At the store, he spent about 30 minutes trying to decide on a snack to purchase. I’m trying to be respectful of his idiosyncrasies, but I’m a very structured person and need him to try and follow a schedule. What makes everything worse is that he apologizes ALL the time – every other word he says is “sorry” – and he is aware that his tardiness is a problem. I’m just not sure if he’s working on it. I’ve been told I can be abrasive, and I’d really like to avoid conflict since he’s is one of my closest friends here, so I’m not sure how to move forward. Advice?


I say this with immense empathy and as someone who is usually early if not on time to social events and who gets anxious when others are late: Your friend is never going to change.

Okay, that’s extreme. Sometimes people do change. And there are a few easy and reasonable changes that your friend might be able to make if you talk to him, which I’ll get into in a bit.

But it sounds like you’re expecting — or hoping for — a major change that I doubt is going to happen. First of all, I just don’t think people can change habits very quickly. Second of all, a failure to do things on time is not a moral shortcoming. It’s an inconvenience to be sure! And sometimes it can be straight up rude. But you also KNOW this about your friend. It’s not something he’s hiding from you or that comes as a surprise. And again, that doesn’t make it any less annoying, but your friend isn’t actively harming you. The conflict mostly amounts to you having different priorities, which happens in friendships all the time. You might be a very structured person, but you can’t expect others to be.

It’s possible that his approach to time isn’t something he has complete control over or awareness of. People’s brains work in different ways, and all relationships require navigating major differences. It sounds a little bit to me like you wish your friend were more like you, but part of the beauty of friendships is connecting with people who think, live, and act differently than we do. It’s ultimately up to you to decide how damaging this incongruous approach to timeliness really is. Is it making it so that you don’t want to be friends with him anymore? I’m guessing not, because if you thought the friendship was worth throwing in the trash, you probably wouldn’t be writing this letter looking for a magical solution.

That said, I do think compromise is important in all relationships. And I do think there are some reasonable things that you can ask of your friend. First and foremost, I think you need to ask him to always be honest with you. When he’s running late, ask him for his best approximation for how late he’s going to be. If he gives a rambling, unclear answer, ask for specificity. You mentioned that you have sent polite texts asking for an ETA, but it’s time to be more direct (which is not necessarily impolite!). If you’re meeting with him somewhere you have to travel to and don’t want to be waiting around, contact him before heading to the place and ask when he reasonably thinks he’ll be there and specify that you don’t want to leave your place until you have a better idea of when he’ll arrive. Expecting honest and clear communication from a friend is totally reasonable. If you have a five-minute errand you want to run, be clear about that, too. It’s okay to say that you want to run an errand by yourself.

I know that you want to avoid conflict, but sometimes that can turn into avoiding having conversations altogether, and this is an instance where I absolutely think you need to talk to your friend. Approach him from a place of empathy. Instead of saying “your tardiness is a problem,” consider something more specific like “sometimes when you’re three hours late to things, it feels like you don’t respect my time” or “I just would appreciate more communication if you’re going to be late to something so I can plan accordingly.” Be an active participant in the compromise: Express some of your needs to your friend, but also be open to your friend’s perspective. Even though he does apologize a lot, it’s possible that he doesn’t understand how much this really affects you.

I don’t think your friend is going to magically start being on time in the way that you would like him to be, but I do think that your differences will be easier to manage if there’s some communication and some compromise. Friends do things that annoy us! Not everyone will have the exact same priorities as we do. So instead of hoping that your friend will change, try to figure out how to best co-exist despite the differences.

RuPaul dedicates record-breaking Emmy win to the late Chi Chi DeVayne

RuPaul dedicates record-breaking Emmy win to the late Chi Chi

Chi Chi Devayne onstage during RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8 Finale Party in 2016. (Santiago Felipe/Getty Images)

RuPaul has smashed records with a fifth Emmy win, dedicating his victory to the late Drag Race queen Chi Chi DeVayne.

RuPaul’s record-breaking fifth consecutive win at the Emmys came yesterday in the Television Academy’s outstanding host for a reality or competition program category.

The drag superstar has won the category more times than anyone else in its 13-year history.

“On behalf of VH1, World of Wonder, and our incredible cast and crew, I want to thank the Academy for this great honour,” RuPaul said in a televised acceptance speech.

“I’ve always said, every time I bat my false eyelashes, I’m making a political statement. Well, tonight, the only political statement I want to make is this: Love.

“Love for our LGBT brothers and sisters, love for Black queens and brown queens, and love for the United States of America, where a little gay boy with nothing more than a pussycat wig and a dream can build an international platform that celebrates sweet, sensitive souls everywhere.”

In his acceptance speech, RuPaul went on to dedicate his achievement to the legendary queen Chi Chi DeVayne, who tragically died at just 34 years old after battling pneumonia.

Urging viewers to vote on November 3, he continued: “I’d like to dedicate this Emmy to one of my girls, Chi Chi DeVayne. May you rest in power and perfection.”

RuPaul’s heartfelt tribute to Chi Chi DeVayne.

Chi Chi DeVayne passed away on August 20, days after being hospitalised with pneumonia. She had lived with the chronic condition scleroderma.

Real name Zavion Davenport, the star competed on the eighth season of the show and on the third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars.

On Twitter, RuPaul wrote that he was “heartbroken” to learn that Chi Chi DeVayne had died.

“I am so grateful that we got to experience her kind and beautiful soul,” he said. “She will be dearly missed, but never forgotten. May her generous and loving spirit shine down on us all.”

The Emmy Award-winning host of Drag Race added: “On behalf of VH1, World of Wonder and the cast and crew of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I extend my deepest sympathy — from our family to hers.”

Danika reviews Late to the Party by Kelly Quindlen – The Lesbrary

Susan reviews The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia

Late to the Party by Kelly Quindlen

Codi is in a rut. She has two best friends, Maritza and JaKory, and they’ve been doing the same things since they became friends in the 6th grade. Now she’s 17, and she’s sick of sitting in the basement and watching movies. All three of them are determined to make a change this summer, and maybe get their first kisses (Codi is a lesbian, Martiza is bi, and JaKory is gay). The only problem is that Maritza and JaKory seem to still see the shy, homebody Codi that she was as a kid, and don’t seem to believe that she can be anyone different. When Maritza calls Codi, drunk, and begs her to pick her up from a party, Codi reluctantly agrees. She doesn’t expect to run into one of the “cool kids” kissing another guy in the shadows outside. Ricky asks Codi to not tell anyone about the kiss, and she is drawn into his friend group–including Lydia, who she immediately crushes on. Now Codi is having a whole different summer, with partying, drinking, and skinny-dipping–and not telling her best friends anything about it.

I had a bit of a conflicted relationship with this book. I love that it’s a queer YA book about friendship, including having a bunch of different queer friends. I don’t think we see enough stories where queer people are friends and not just love interests. Codi’s attitude is completely understandable: she feels trapped by her best friends’ expectations of her, so she breaks out of them and doesn’t let them in. At the same time, though, Maritza and JaKory both encourage her to break out of her rut and she refuses, but then she gets angry at them for thinking that she’s in a rut.

She also judges herself for not partying, being a “real” teenager. Maybe me being a 30 year old teacher hurt my enjoyment of this book, but I was frustrated by the idea that the only right way to be a teenager is to act out a teen movie. Maybe I’m defensive because I’ve never been a drinking or partying type. This isn’t a flaw in the writing: it is acknowledged later in the book that there is no one right way to be a teenager, and that you shouldn’t feel like you have to act out some image of being a teenager.

Mostly, I just found it painful to watch Codi make these long, drawn-out mistakes. Her motivation is understandable, and it’s believable, but watching her sabotage some of her most important and long-lasting relationships wasn’t fun, especially when they could be solved with a few conversations. Codi and her friends are all complex and flawed characters, which means that they do hurt each other and make mistakes. I just didn’t find it personally enjoyable to go through chapter after chapter of Codi lying (or lying by omission) to her best friends.

My favourite part was the romance. Codi and Lydia become closer as friends, and then we see that dance around each other of not knowing if the other is interested or even if they’re straight. It felt real to me, seeing the slow, nervous progression of their relationship, including misunderstandings. Codi’s flustered reactions are all-too-relatable. They also have sweet, meaningful conversations–just the kind of exchanges I’d expect from the beginnings of a flirtation between two teenage girls. Their romance was definitely what I enjoyed the most.

The ending felt a little neat to me, especially considering how messy and drawn-out the tensions were between so many characters. There’s a bit of a time jump to explain this, but even still, I would have liked to see this honest conversation earlier so that we had more time to deal with the fallout. I understand why lots of people enjoy this one: it’s a great friendship book, it has a sweet romance, and it looks at the expectations and social pressures of being a teenager. Unfortunately, that plot element of Codi continually choosing to mislead her best friends soured the reading experience for me.

Slightly late pride podcast : butchlesbians

Slightly late pride podcast : butchlesbians

Hello friends! A little late on this, but I thought you all might appreciate it. One of my favorite podcasts, Ologies, put out a two part neuroendocrinology episode for pride month. The guest is a nonbinary scientist, and they go into a lot about gender nonconformity, sexuality, and brain development. It’s a really cool episode if you have the chance to listen!