Tag: questioning

Donald Glover opens up about questioning his sexuality / Queerty

Donald Glover opens up about questioning his sexuality / Queerty

Donston

“Labels” help a lot of people politically. They also assists with feeling like you are a part of a “community“, and they assist in helping some people understand you more. So, they are helpful for multiple reasons. But selling identity as the be-all to everything just needs to stop. Hell, we can’t even come to a consensus around what “sexuality” even is. Sexual arousal, enjoyment, desire, passion, comfort, preference, behavior, history are all different things. And people choose whichever of those elements to define what sexuality means to them. Then there’s the different types of fluidity or paraphiliacs/fetishes or confusions/questioning some people experience. Then there’s the elements of gender, romantic affections, emotional connections and fulfilling commitment. Then there’s a bunch of other things that often play into what people do or how they present themselves: family, ethics, religion, ego, insecurities, sociology, resentments, internal phobias, money, trauma, mental health struggles, attention whoring, addictions, an individual’s sex drive.

This is the impasse we keep returning to. There’s just too much different shit going on, too many different types of people, and too many different struggles, motives, identities and interpretations. So, shaming people, pressuring people, or mostly just pushing identity politics is not the most helpful instinct. If you’re placing identity before people feeling safe, secure and sane and before people feeling free to live the lives that they really want to live then you’re not being helpful. In fact, you are a part of the problem. However, none of this means that you can’t call out the many folks who say and do vulture-like, manipulative or problematic things.

For anyone questioning their gender or gender presentation: : butchlesbians

For anyone questioning their gender or gender presentation: : butchlesbians

I highly recommend reading the book Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately from folks questioning their gender, talking about dysphoria, bouncing between feeling like they’re NB, a trans guy, or just a really butch woman. I was in the same boat. Hell, most days I’m still in the same boat, but then I started reading this book and couldn’t believe how much it helped me feel more secure in my gender. I haven’t finished it yet, but I’m just beyond the halfway mark, and already this has helped me feel like no matter how I present or how I feel, I have a place within the butch community of women and non-women alike.

The book was published in 1998, so some of the language we have today wasn’t present during the time the book was being written, so you’ll notice that transsexual is used where we would use transgender today. There are also terms used to describe masculine women* (or masculine people who were assigned female at birth). Although the author talks about masculine women* in a way where they say “women” or “female”, they very clearly use neutral language of the time to talk about the people in the book. This book will not only work for butch women, but also for non-binary people, and even trans men (although maybe a little less so).

Reading 100+ pages of other people who were assigned female at birth and repeatedly defied the gender norms and expectations of the times was so exhilarating, and I cannot recommend it enough. Before there was language to even identify dysphoria or wanting to present with more masculinity, women and non-binary people and trans people existed, and that helped me realize that I have a place in the world, no matter how I feel from day-to-day.

This book has massively helped me with my gender dysphoria, and I hope it can help some of you.