Tag: youre

Come Vibe With Me: You’re Like — Really Pretty

Come Vibe With Me: You're Like — Really Pretty

The New Year always comes with folks making big declarations of change. Switching jobs, exploring more, getting rid of toxic folks or traits, and so on. More often than not though the main one is a physical change, namely weight loss. No matter how body positive we believe our generation is, in January my social feeds are flooded with discounted gym memberships, and people posting a scale showing their weight with some sort of disgusted emoji and a promise to keep us updated as the number decreases.

It sucks and I hate it.

In the past, whenever I lost sight of who I was it meant that my usually high confidence in my image was part of the crumbling that took place. I’m suddenly angry at the fit of my clothes, the thought of a selfie makes me ill and I can’t even make eye contact with my reflection when brushing my teeth in the morning. I spoke last week about making my way back to myself and I meant that in every sense, including the physical.

I started feeling fly again and got ready to show the masses just as my feed got flooded with the weight-loss resolutions, and it knocked me for a second — was I actually feeling better? Did I really like this new hairstyle? Was I truly back to loving every fold or curve on my body?

Image shows black woman in bed with long braids wearing a gray. black and white loungewear outfit.
Yeah – I posted it.

I paused and put my phone down and walked to one of the multiple mirrors in my apartment that I used to do a wink/smile combo in, pre-breakdown. I ran my hands through my hair, then over my shoulders and across my stomach, turned and looked at my ass and hips, and turned back around to make eye contact with my reflection that up until now — had been so hard to do.

I stared for a bit, music playing in the background filling up my space — saving me from silence and acting as a filter for intruding negative thoughts. I took myself in and as trite as it may sound, started to smile. My hip dropped, my back arched and I felt that smoldering confidence start to build back up in my core.

Coming back to who you are is a fucking ride and there is always gonna be blocks on the way. But as long as you have a sparkle of appreciation for yourself and the “Not interested” button on IG, you’ll be falling back in love with yourself before you know it.

Happy Sunday cuties.

Y’all Come Look at This

A movie where Black people fall in love and look stunning in vintage clothing? Sign me up 30 times over. I just watched Sylvie’s Love and the stars, Tessa Thompson & Nnmadi Asomugha, chat about the film over on Essence.

Image shows the cover of Essence magazine where two black actors are pictured in black tie style outfits and sitting in a velvet chair.
Wow look at my mom and dad.

I have tried out what feels like a million natural hair tips and tricks and half of them absolutely don’t work, so I am leaving just about all of them behind in the new year and sticking to what I know.

Taylour “Where the band at?” Paige hops into the Bustle booth to talk karaoke, TV, and the all-important coffee order. She also talks about the movie Swallow, which I am OBSESSED with.

Saambhi hilariously and beautifully talks about dating as a Muslim brown babe in the digital age for the crew over at Salty World.

I love Regina King and I long for nothing more to look as entirely beautiful as she does while laying on a suede couch and dishing out infinite wisdom.

Image shows two black people lovingly gazing into each others eyes while standing in front of a yellow New York City Taxicab.

Sylvie’s Love

“Sometimes the right love comes at the wrong time.”

I love a good romantic movie moment filled with beautiful music, gorgeous Black folks and longing looks. Amazon’s latest release Sylvie’s Love gave me every bit of that.

The film centers on the relationship between musician Robert (Nnmadi Asomugha) who falls for pop culture loving Sylvie (our queen Tessa Thompson) after meeting at her father’s record store.

Not only is the story sweet and will have you cuddled up on your couch swoooning, but the score is perfect and Sylvie’s outfits will have you following every vintage IG page in search of the perfect pair of pedal pushers.

Watch the trailer here!

This week on the virtual bulletin board you can help the Trans self-defense fund in Chicago meet their goal of raising $10,000, I love them and they do so many great things like offer free self-defense kits for trans women in need. There is also a help chat line for those who are trans and struggling at home or facing homelessness, send them a message and they will do all they can to help. And here’s a few other lovely things on the bulletin board this week!

If you have anything happening in your city (or virtually) that you think would be a good fit for the community love virtual billboard, send it my way via Instagram! Please remember that anything you send must have a focus on people of color.

Listen to this playlist and feel yourself in every way possible this Sunday and yes — I mean in that way, too (insert terrible wink here).

You’re invited to the biggest, queerest wedding of the year

You're invited to the biggest, queerest wedding of the year

You’re invited to the biggest, queerest wedding of the year

to all the home depot lesbians in this subreddit, i hope you’re taking this into consideration and shopping at lowe’s. we’ve gotta put our money where it’s not going to bite us in our voluptuous asses!! : actuallesbians

to all the home depot lesbians in this subreddit, i

A place for discussions for and by cis and trans lesbians, bisexual girls, chicks who like chicks, bi-curious folks, dykes, butches, femmes, girls who kiss girls, birls, bois, aces, LGBT allies, and anyone else interested! Our subreddit is named r/actuallesbians because r/lesbians is not really for or by lesbians–it was meant to be a joke. We’re not a militant or exclusive group, so feel free to join up!

11 Signs You’re Too Good For Your Girlfriend – KitschMix

11 Signs You’re Too Good For Your Girlfriend – KitschMix

When you love someone, you give without expecting anything in return. It’s about the feeling you get when you do nice things for her – not that you do them so that she’ll do something else for you. Still, one-sided signs of affection can lead to resentment, frustration, and downright exhaustion. If one of you is actually playing a bigger role in your relationship – not just overclaiming what you do – an unbalanced feeling might be a sign that you’re too good for your girlfriend.

Of course, it’s up to you whether you stay or go, but if you find yourself in most of the following 11 signs, you deserve so much better – and you’d probably be happier single than with your current partner. How many can you spot in your relationship?

You’re shut out of her life.

Happy, healthy couples share their goals, their plans, and their big decisions with each other. It’s normal to keep your distance in the beginning, but there comes a point where your lives will either pull you closer or push you further away – and a partner who shuts you out isn’t trying to get closer to you.

You fantasize about life without her.

It’s normal to occasionally think about how your life would be different without the person you care about, but there’s a distinct difference between thinking about and fantasizing about. If you find yourself drawn to the idea of breaking up, most likely you should – there’s a reason your mind is somewhere else.

She undervalues you.

Everyone brings value to someone else’s life, in some way or another. If your girlfriend doesn’t see the value that you bring to her life, she’ll never appreciate or respect you. A happy partner would consider your abilities and benefits as part of the team, listen to your opinions, and appreciate your contributions to the relationship. If she’s not doing those things, you owe it to yourself to find someone who will.

Your need for affection is not being met.

Everyone has their own needs within a relationship, but healthy relationship involves a compromise between one’s needs and the other’s boundaries, as much as possible. If you’ve already expressed a need for more affection to your partner and she won’t even consider it, she’s not the one – I promise.

She treats you like a child.

It’s normal to get frustrated with each other when someone’s acting immature – but if your partner is talking down to you and treating you like you’re a child, there’s a problem. It shows a lack of respect, and it shows a desire to control – neither of which is cool in a relationship.

You don’t feel respected or appreciated.

I know I already touched on respect in the last one, but the same is true for appreciation. While you shouldn’t do things just for the recognition, a partner who doesn’t acknowledge the blessings you bring into her life may not actually see any – which is, most likely, a reflection of her rather than of you. Find yourself someone who appreciates everything you are.

She would rather have sex with you than talk to you.

If your girlfriend uses sex as a way to change the subject or avoid having a conversation with you, it might be a sign that sex is all she sees you for. Some aromantic relationships can get by just fine without any conversation, but if the feeling isn’t mutual, it can cause a number of problems between the two of you – best to put an end to it as soon as possible.

You don’t know her friends and family.

It’s completely normal to wait for a relationship to settle in before bringing your boo home to the family, but if you’ve been together for over a year and you don’t know anyone in her life, there may be other issues that you wouldn’t expect. Are you sure you even know her?

You don’t feel like you can trust her.

A lack of trust in a relationship can be a sign of insecurity, especially if one partner just had their trust destroyed. But there’s also a chance it’s your inner intuition telling you the things you don’t want to admit to. Either way, the two of you don’t belong together if there’s no trust involved – the relationship will never be able to grow.

You don’t talk about anything real.

Small talk and shallow conversations are all well and good, but that’s not what intimate relationships are made of. If you never touch on the issues, you can never hope to deal with them, and if your partner discourages talking about your hopes and dreams, too, she’s probably hoping she’s not in them.

You’re not happy, you’re just comfortable.

Relationships aren’t pure magic every single day, but if you can’t remember the last magical day after a few seconds of thinking, your relationship has already played out and it’s time to move on. It’s not fair to either of you to remain in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy at least most of the time. Only you know what happiness truly means to you, but you owe it to yourself to find it.